Mutisya and the Lion

Teacher:If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?
Mutisya: I will climb a tree.
Teacher: If the lion climbs a tree?
Mutisya: I will jump in the river and swim.
Teacher : If the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you ?
Mutisya: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion’s ?


Mzee alienda kanisani kubatizwa alipotoka kwenye maji padri akamwambia “Sasa ewe ni kiumbe kipya,usinywe tena pombe na utaitwa Paul”. Alipofika nyumbani Paul akafungua friji akatoa bia ya Tusker akaitumbukiza kwenye maji akasema “Wewe ni kiumbe kipya toka sasa jina lako ni Fanta Orange”

What Is The Difference Between Confident And Confidential?

Son: “Dad what’s the difference between confident and confidential?”

Dad: “Hmm. You are my son, I am confident of that. Your friend Muema is also my son, that’s confidential!”

How Kikuyus save phone numbers

Kikuyu guys don’t save one name kwa phone book,
They add easy one to remember.

Karanja wa makondofia,
Wangari wa makara
Kínúthia mathiirí,
Mwangi wa bonoko,
Kamau múgúrúki,
Múgo wa kagoti Ka Maruni
Njeri wa gítheri,
Kamande múishi,
Kímani wa mukokoteni :
Njuguna wa motura

I wonder how they save mine.


Black Couple Kissing #2

* In Maths: A kiss is the shortest
distance between two lips.
* In Biology: It’s the exchange of
germs from one mouth to another.
* In Chemistry: It’s a process of
testing the ph of lips.
* In Physics: It’s a process to
charging a human body.
* In Computer: It’s a local area
network in which two bodies are
connected without data cables.
* In Economics: It’s a process in
which demand is higher than the
Which Is More Correct?

Different words with different meaning to Kenyan tribes

1.Mutura: is a Kenyan delicacy resembling sausages, it is also what people in Nyeri used to call the late Education Minister the late Mutula Kilonzo.

2. To you, Mascara may be make up but to a Luhya it means many cigarettes.

3. Marijuana is a drug but to the Kikuyus it also means they knew each other.

4. The Hobbit is a movie but to the Kambas it is a chewing gum.

5. Ukali means bitter or harshness but to a Luhya it’s food.

6. Federer is a tennis player but to Kikuyus it also means a flag.

7. L is a letter in the alphabet but to Kambas it is also the place where sinners will go.

8. Choice is not only an option but to the Luhya it’s a girl’s name.

9. Bull is the male species of a cow but to a Kalenjin it’s also a place where people like Dunford swim.

10. Sack is a bag type used for luggage but our Luo friends unmistakably enigmaticaly with utmost flamboyance know it’s a sea mammal with sharp teeth.

Kibaki, Raila, Ngilu and Martha Karua

Raila, Kibaki, Ngilu & Martha Karua are traveling in a train. The train
suddenly goes through a tunnel & it gets completely dark. Suddenly there
is a kissing sound & then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
Ngilu & Raila are sitting there looking perplexed. Kibaki is bent over holding
his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain
diplomatic & nobody says anything.
Ngilu is thinking:
‘These men are all crazy after Martha Karua’. Kibaki must have tried to
kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.’
Martha Karua is thinking:
‘Kibaki must have moved to kiss me & kissed Ngilu instead & got slapped.’
Kibaki is thinking:
‘Damn it, Raila must have tried to kiss Martha Karua, she thought it was
me & slapped me.’
Raila is thinking:
‘If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing
sound & slap Kibaki again’